Christmas isn't Merry and the Holidays aren't Happy.

It's Christmas Eve and as I lay in the guest bedroom of my parents house under a powder blue quilt I am overwhelmed, as I have been for weeks, with one thought. Loss. So many of us have lost loved ones around the holidays and quite simply, Christmas isn't Merry and the Holidays aren't Happy. It's like being in an emotionally abusive, bi-polar relationship with a season. The days leading up are filled with strangers cutting us off in parking lots and grocery lines as happy songs about Santa and Jesus dance in the air, arguments about budgets and what to get or not get the kids just to see a moment of excitement, or gentle reminders from family members that we are still single and we are so lucky to have so much loneliness freedom. Yet in the midst of all the chaos there is still a dull still ache that doesn't seem to want to go on holiday vacation. It is the smell of dessert baking in the oven, or the red mailbox at Macy's and a letter to Santa reading "Please bring her back", or the deafening silence of the early morning in a hospital hallway. It's a certain song. It's an empty chair. It's a loved one gone. Joy to the World is replaced by grief in our hearts.

My Granny died on New Years Eve a few years back. Two years ago we lost the woman who was my second mom the week before Christmas. Just over a week ago a young man from my hometown froze to death just off of his college campus. Two days ago a beautiful soul from my childhood, lost his battle with cancer before getting to celebrate his 30th birthday. A few days ago a friend's grandmother fell ill and passed on early this morning. The celebration of a new born King sure feels a lot like death. How can a season be so filled with joy and so filled with sorrow all at once? For some of us the holidays just feel a lot like heartache.

Over my years here on this Earth I have been bruised up, hospitalized, had multiple surgeries, multiple cancer scares, lost consciousness, been beaten up, been in car accidents, bus accidents, can't walk on flat ground accidents and somehow I still get to live this thing we call life. With every passing instance I have had to face the decision to hide away in my pain or to embrace life's frailty and continue on in gratitude and joy. I don't understand why I have been allowed the utter privilege of continuing on this adventure of mine while other's journeys have had a much more abrupt end. But I do know this... It is important to be kind to one another along the way. And while you are at it, practice being kind to yourself.

The holiday season is about being together because we simply don't know how many more chances we get. I will never forget standing in my grandparents kitchen seeing my Granddad cry for the first and last time as he prayed a Christmas prayer of gratitude "for just letting us all be here." There is no greater gift in this world than each other. I pray we treat each other with understanding, tenderness and compassion, because someone lost their son this week, someone lost their brother, someone their mother, someone their best friend... And in this time of more digital connection than ever before, we are disconnected from each other, lonely, hurting... now more that ever, we need each other.

We are a messed up, broken, grief-stricken, sometimes mean spirited bunch us humans; who long to hear the genuine words "Welcome, I am so glad you are here. I could not dream of a better gift than you."

To all of you suffering great loss this holiday season, my thoughts and prayers are with you. May your tears of sorrow be held with kindness. May your hearts be heavy and someday hopeful. May you find rest amidst sleepless nights. May you find some sort of peace in all the pieces. And may the Christmas season be a reminder of the beauty we have witnessed in our loved ones departed, but forever with us. Amen.

Peace be with you.