bricks and Berry

Most times when i sit to write these blogs I don't know what to say. for the last year i have found that articulating in a written form never quite matured into what i wanted it to. there are better writers, better painters, better dancers, better lovers, better servants... and on and on and on... so now i write, in my own voice, in my own time.

it's funny what people build their walls out of i.e. doubt, fear, pain, abandonment, bitterness, pride... and on and on and on... and i wonder how concrete those walls may be. some a shield of feathers cast to a whimsy by the first warm breeze and other bricks of steel coldness will be what weighs down the casket of a life lost and unloved. who gives them such strength but the builder themselves?

I read this from Wendell Berry earlier this week and have so loved it. "The past is our definition. We may strive, with good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it."

I cannot change the events of my past, nor can i out run them (no matter how many trips i take). I can choose how today goes. I can choose to take down my bricks, one by one, and who knows they might just pave a wonderfully glorious path. My life is filled with wonderful people, remarkable people. For that i am so thankful.

Today has glorious potential. Live well. Enjoy the journey.

slow dancing...

Take kindly the counsel of the years...

i cannot count the number of times i have heard women say this January, "this is our year ladies!" (for some reason 2009 becoming 2010 wasn't that big of a deal for guys i guess). It's as if the striking of midnight released a new tide to the shore, a new story to our lives. But our stories are our own. they are connected. we are connected. not even a moment's breath separated last year from this. the physical ailments that plagued us weeks ago still linger. the frustrations of relationships. the uncertainty of employment. the stresses that weighed down our souls do not dissipate with the chiming of a clock or the dropping of a ball on a crowed New York night. no, they do not go swiftly. they do not go kindly. yet, if my memory fails me not, somehow the years have a way of slowly sending these tides back to the ocean. things that vexed me in the turning of 2006 into 2007 seem like distant shadows, memories of lessons learned. and somehow joys remain. somehow we are still here. somehow the sun still shines. Max Ehrman wrote:

"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy."

Nirvana

Tom Waits reading Charles Bukowski's Nirvana

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVVzCURucaA#

Long time no write...

I have been "home" now a little over 2 months. Traveling like crazy since i have been back, work, non-work... It is a strange place in life to be. Wonderful, hard, strange. These last few months have been trying. I have spent so much time worrying about what is next, then i realized, life. Life is next. It is now. It is all around. We have a one hundred percent chance of dying, but living is up to us. I don't want to die with my last thought being, "i wish i lived more than 60% of the time." (or even 98% of the time) 

I am approaching a month of being gone from nashville. It seems like this summer is flying by, yet as I pause for a moment, it has been such a wonderful one. The list of things done (in no particular order)

1. Caving (with a great woman and my dog- maybe the dog wasn't such a good idea)

2.Hang Gliding (always a pleasure)

3. Getting back into the climbing gym

4. Going sea kayaking (with an incredible man and some pretty fantastic sea lions)

5. Hiking

6. Frisbee

7. Slacklining

8. Learning how to do a front hand spring

9. Shows (for those of you who don't know i am back on the road with Miss Wilson)

10. Working at the Local Taco (great food, better margaritas) 

11. Doing video with Waymore's Outlaws

12. Going jet skiing with my mom

13. Reading

14. Painting

15. Friggin' loving today

I know that there is so much more that has been going on, but life is still moving and i need some sleep to prepare for tomorrow. 

be still. 

be loved.

H.A.T.E.

High Altitude Tourettes Experience better known as HATE or skiing in the alps. living in these mountains, it is something you have to do at least once... or only once. hahahaha. i actually held my own, until i didn't understand the swiss hill rating system. um. well. i am walking again.

i am up to my ears in reading right now. Beautiful. i can't get over it. or through it apparently. but bit by bit, i am forming thoughts about where my life shall lead next.

spring has arrived. the flowers are beginning to bloom. color everywhere. the white is subsiding and life is new. how i have longed for warm weather. come quickly!!!

just a few thoughts for now. more to come.

be still. be loved.

far and near and everywhere in between...

Learn to teach. Follow to lead. Live to show the Way. Love. just love.

Months pass. The wonderings begin. where to next? Oh how i miss so many at home and oh how i will miss those here. My head has been spinning with thoughts, frustrations, questions. We stop growing, we stop learning, we stop living when we stop asking questions.

Life is a curious thing. So filled with ugliness and beauty, sorrow and joy, weeping and laughter. we live in the tension. we live in the in between. it is in the valley between the mountains where things grow. Here, wine grapes. I live at one end of the Rhone Valley. Known for its red wine... this is a beautiful thing. but that is besides the point. the point is this: today i went for a walk. the mountains were covered with snow filled clouds. but the valley shown magnificently clear. i was amazed at how green the grass in the valley shone, spring is near. the sign of new life. the sign of hope. i continued walking to the small, and by small i mean tiny church here in Huemoz. Out in the courtyard is a swing set with two seats that fling you graciously closer to the heavens. i sat on the taller one and in a burst of laughter and song, i sang. loud. in fact another girl staying at L'abri who is from Romania walked by and laughed along with me. it is the good life. it is a good life. life, in its essence is good.

my ponderings continue. caught somewhere between faith and doubt, i am alive. i am well.

be still. be loved.